How did your morning go?
Did you spend it refereeing your children’s 5th fight of the day? Listening to your toddler scream because she wanted to put her sock on by “myself? Did you witness your teenage son sulking because it’s just too early to be out of bed? Or frazzled because your kids didn’t move fast enough to get out the door for school?
Whatever stage you’re at with your children, there are moments of pure bliss and others when you just want to pull every hair out of your head. You’re not alone.
“It’s just a phase, it’ll pass soon” is one of the many sayings I’ve used when trying to overcome difficult moments with my children, and as I coach parents with their own. From meltdowns in the toy store, needing to be first for everything, night terrors, and many sleepless nights, parents are in the thick of it when their children are young. As soon as you learn how to handle any given situation, your child passes through that particular phase and moves on to the next challenging one. This is true for any stage and with children of any age.
Children go through many developmental stages and phases over their lifetime. Some are so difficult you can’t wait to be done with them, while others are so enjoyable that you can’t imagine what it will be like once they’re gone. When I reflect back on earlier stages, I can’t help but feel a sense of longing.
When did I become “Mom”? “Mama” and “Mommy” are a thing of the past and I can’t pinpoint the day that I became “mom” to my children. What happened to the days of planning fun outings with my kids and everyone being excited to go? These days they all have an opinion and want to go in a million directions.
When I give my teenage son a hug it’s him who needs to crouch down now. Where did my little boy go? When I check on my daughters before I get into bed, their little feet sticking out of the covers are not so little anymore and my sons come say goodnight to ME in my room before they get into bed. How did we get here?
With all these changes and growth comes much enjoyment as well. While I mourn the loss of the earlier years, I know that one day I’ll look back and miss the heartfelt conversations I have with my children as I drive them to their hockey, baseball, football, and gymnastics practices. The connection I have to each of my children in different ways and the way we can enjoy each other’s company as if hanging out with a friend. The loving banter and inside jokes that we’ve created, our family tennis games, bike rides, camping, and many outings to waterparks, amusement parks, and family vacations. I’ll miss having all their friends over for birthday parties, sleepovers, and pool parties and I’ll even miss the late night pick ups and early morning wake ups.
It’s easy to recognize and dwell on the more challenging moments when you’re dealing with them. They’re difficult and no one can tell you otherwise. It takes more effort to recognize the positive moments and put those at the forefront of your thoughts. The next time you’re dealing with a screaming child or a complaining teenager, remember, this is just one of many moments that make up your child. This doesn’t define your child – it just gives a sense of where they’re at developmentally.
No matter what the stage, try to soak it all in. Have fun, make the most of it, take pictures, and find ways to connect. There are many difficult moments that we all want to see go, but one day you’ll look back and feel a sense of longing for the days when your child climbed into bed with you because she had a bad dream, or your son wanted to tell you about his toy car for the third time of the day. These are the moments that make up a lifetime. Cherish them. While frustrating at times, these moments pass by so quickly, you won’t realize how much you enjoyed them until they’re gone.
Check out www.4kidsconsulting.com and follow me @4kids_consulting for more parenting tips, tools, and strategies. With 4 kids, a background in teaching elementary and preschool children, a certificate as a child behaviour specialist, and years of experience working with children of all ages, I’ve been there, seen it, and can help you be the best version of you on your parenting journey. Why reach out? Because your kids are worth it.
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