The Guilt

Ok Moms – who’s guilty of the “I have 15 minutes until I have to pick up the kids, I could run to the grocery store and get some food” syndrome? Or “I have half an hour in between birthday parties, I for sure have enough time to meet a friend for coffee or get the skates sharpened, the cleaning picked up, and go to the pharmacy for a few things”. If this doesn’t resonate with you, well then, you probably have your sh** together more than the rest of us.

Multitasking, cramming everything into one day, and the misconception of time, is all part of being a mom-right? We overload ourselves with activities, birthday parties, play dates, sports, and homework, and try to fit an errand or two in between, only to end up in a mad rush (and probably driving way too fast) for the next event on the calendar. It’s a good thing we’re all running on coffee and wine. Right?

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we constantly in a guilt battle making sure our children don’t miss out on anything while also trying to do for ourselves, for our spouses, for the house, and for each other? It’s not humanly possible to do it all, all the time.

Something’s got to give.

The world we live in today differs from the one we were raised in. With most families having two working parents, it leaves little time during the week to get other things accomplished. Sports, extra curricular activities, camps, and daycares are bigger than ever, and the desire to be a part of them is great among children today.

So how do we balance it all?

We need to prioritize, choose moderation, and let go of the guilt. Teach your children balance. Let them decide what’s most important and work together to create a schedule that works for everyone.

Giving our children everything they want all the time only teaches them to always want more. We need to teach our children that happiness doesn’t come from getting something we don’t have, but rather recognizing and appreciating what we already do have. Children don’t need 5 different extracurricular activities and playdates every afternoon to be happy and fulfilled. Choose 2 sports instead of 6, pick one afternoon as the “play date day”, and organize your day so that school and homework are the priority.

Most of all, don’t fear the meltdown that will come after saying “no” to something. By not giving in to everything your child asks for, you’re helping them build character and teaching them how to handle disappointment – a skill they will need for the rest of their lives. Be there for them through the screaming and tears but don’t give in to their every demand.

Our society is creating children that always want and need more. Teaching our children to be comfortable and confident in their own skin is one of the best gifts we could ever offer them.

So, how do we do this?

We need to model it for them and pace ourselves first. Let go of the guilt. Mom guilt is a serious and very real thing. I am the first to say that I suffer from it too. We need to teach our children that it’s ok to not do it all. Yes, we want to be able to give our children the world. To be present for every event and opportunity, to join every activity and never let our children miss out. The reality is that in doing so, our children are missing out on the best part of us- a patience and presence that comes from true quality time.

I know a few moms that don’t allow the guilt to get to them. They do for their children as much as anyone but are much more at peace with themselves. Their children are happy, secure, safe, and well taken care of. The difference is that these moms are also happy, secure, and most of all, relaxed.

I’ve been called “supermom” by many who see me running around with my 4 children, schlepping hockey equipment, schoolbags, a dog, and always making sure to have my running shoes on (in case I could squeeze in some form of exercise for myself in the midst of all the chaos). The truth is, it’s those moms that are the real “supermoms”. The ones that don’t feel the pressure of having to do it all for their children in order to satisfy their needs all the time. The ones that recognize that it’s ok to relax at home and have the children play in the neighborhood and make memories doing just that. Those kids still go to school, still have their sports and activities, they still see their friends and do fun activities, but they have a sense of balance too.

As I write these words I can’t help but reflect on my own life. With so much going on at any given moment, it’s difficult for me to find the time to just take a deep breath and enjoy. I too need to learn how to let go of the guilt and choose balance and moderation in my life. As parents, we are all learning and growing together.

No matter how you choose to raise your children, remember that they are always watching and learning from you. I’m with you when I say, let’s let go of the guilt for ourselves but most of all, let’s do it for our children.