Rise above disappointment

Have you ever been in a situation where you had no choice but to let your kids down? Where you had to watch your child’s face deflate in despair, eyes swell with tears, lips tremble in sadness, and know that you had no other choice but to cause such pain? It’s heartbreaking and distressing. As parents, we try to protect our children from harm. To shield them from the harsh realities of the world and from causing them anxiety, stress, and disappointment in any given situation. 

Life isn’t perfect. There are many ups and downs, hurdles to jump over, and obstacles to overcome. Just when you think things are settling down and going well, life throws you a curve ball and you’re left to work through it and rise above. 

This is true in everyday life. It doesn’t matter where you live, what background you come from, or how financially secure you are. We all deal with obstacles and each one is true, relevant to our own life, and difficult in its own way. 

As parents, we want to give our children the world. We do our best to keep them happy, and not let them know from heartache and hurt. We’re their protectors. But we’re also their educators. It’s as much our responsibility as parents to teach our children how to regulate their emotions and help them through difficult moments. How can we teach our children to rise above? To teach them that happiness is not dependent on how much you have, or how much you do, but rather on how well you can overcome difficult situations and still manage to find a way to be happy despite it all.

In the last little while I’ve had to let my kids down time and again. My husband and I decided that for the month before my son’s Bar Mitzvah we would avoid social situations, plans, activities, sports, and birthday parties as much as possible in an attempt to avoid getting covid and keep our family healthy and well for the big day. This was not an easy feat at all. 

We decided to not allow our son to go to his away hockey tournament that he was looking forward to the whole season, to keep our daughters back from gymnastics and cheerleading competitions, to keep our son from going to his friends’ birthday party and our daughter from going to her first ever sleepover party. These were difficult decisions that we had to make and it broke my heart to see the look of disappointment each time we had to say “no” to our children. 

But you know what? They survived. They rose above. They learned that life doesn’t always go as planned and sacrifices need to be made. They learned that it’s ok to be upset and angry, and that it’s even ok to cry. We cried together. I held my daughter and cried with her the night she couldn’t go to the sleepover. We baked cookies, watched a movie together, and did each other’s nails. While it wasn’t the sleepover she was hoping for, I explained that we were making the best of a difficult situation. And we did.   

We made it to the bar mitzvah as planned. Our children got to enjoy the day and all the weekend festivities that went along with it. Was it a difficult month for them? Absolutely. But I know in my heart that my husband and I made the right decision for our family at the time. We made a plan and stuck to it. Our children knew that we didn’t do this to hurt or upset them. We were confident in our decision and remained consistent throughout.

We’ve seen so many children overcome so much during the two years of the pandemic. Missed graduations, religious milestone celebrations, birthdays, and weddings to name a few. It has been a very challenging time for everyone. But we’ve also seen these children rise above, make the best of what life had to offer in the moment. It is these moments that shape who we are and mold us into strong and capable individuals. 

Sometimes life isn’t easy. Sometimes we have to go through difficult situations. It’s how we handle them that separates us from others. If we teach our children from a young age to embrace their feelings and accept that this moment will pass, then they will grow up with tools to navigate all that life throws at them. So how do we teach this? 

Check out www.4kidsconsulting.com and follow me @4kids_consulting for more parenting tips, tools, and strategies. With 4 kids, a background in teaching elementary and preschool children, a certificate as a child behaviour specialist, and years of experience working with children of all ages, I’ve been there, seen it, and can help you be the best version of you on your parenting journey. Why reach out? Because your kids are worth it.